i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize