He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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