Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is Oprah even human
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