hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
