this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
