i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
