I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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