But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
