Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
