hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
