Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
