god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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