Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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