Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
