She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize