I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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