I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The beer is more important than you right now.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My bed smells like the plague
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize