First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
