every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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