Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
