what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize