and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
