I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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