how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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