i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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