you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
