Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
50% drunk capacity currently
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
