last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
