I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
