I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
