just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
