I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
