I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
