I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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