Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
