Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So much rum. So many feels.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
