if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
