I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
