Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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