just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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