Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
