It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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