Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
