Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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