i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
