Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
