Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
