Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
