I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
