she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
