Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize