i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
