Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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