I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
