I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
