Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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