Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
