i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
