Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
