I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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