you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
