It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
