Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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