i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
