one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I don't deserve a penis
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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