Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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