Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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