Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
